Tag: personal-development

A Different Way to Think About New Year’s Resolutions

If you’re like most of us, the new year arrives with a familiar ritual: resolutions.
This year I will… lose weight, stop smoking, save more money, drink less—you know the list.

New Year’s Eve often becomes a kind of performance review of everything we believe is “wrong” with us, followed by an ambitious plan to fix it all in the coming year.

Full of hope, inspiration, and determination, we set out to change what we haven’t been able to change before. And for many of us, this becomes a cycle—driven by a deep desire to fix ourselves.

Here’s the hard truth: most resolutions don’t last.

Research consistently shows that only about 9% of people ultimately keep their New Year’s resolutions. Around 80% begin losing motivation by the second Friday of January—often called “Quitters Day.” Nearly half of people expect to fail before February, and close to two-thirds quit within the first month. The result? A whole lot of discouraged humans.

That discouragement can deepen depression, fuel hopelessness, and reinforce feelings of low self-worth.

There are many reasons resolutions fail. The most common ones?

• Goals that are too broad (“I want to be happier”)
• Too extreme (“I’ll walk five miles every day”)
• Or simply unrealistic (“I’ll save 25% of my paycheck”)

Wanting to be happier can mean a thousand different things. Walking five miles a day isn’t feasible for many people due to time, health, or work. And saving a quarter of your income while juggling rent and groceries? That’s just not realistic for most.

Plenty of people can teach you how to set “SMART” or realistic goals. I can even point you to resources if that’s what you’re looking for.

But what I want to offer is something different.

I’m inviting you to adopt a new perspective—one that isn’t rooted in performative language, constant measurement, or rigid timelines. In fact, I’m going to gently rebel against most traditional goal-setting advice.

Consider this an invitation to be a bit of a rebel too, in service of a kinder, more realistic 2026.

I’ve earned that rebel badge over time. After more than 70 years on this planet, I can say with confidence that many of the goals I set didn’t actually make my life better. What did help was something far simpler.

Curiosity.

No performance required—just a willingness to look at your life with the openness and fascination of a child.

Remember when things were interesting simply because they existed in your world? When you stayed with a problem not because you had to solve it, but because you genuinely wanted to understand it? That’s the kind of curiosity I’m talking about.

Curiosity begins with “what if?”—the starting point of innovation and creativity. From Leonardo da Vinci sketching flying machines to Einstein questioning time, curiosity has always driven breakthroughs. It also helps in everyday life, allowing us to see challenges differently and connect dots in new ways.

As The Mind Company puts it: when faced with obstacles, curious people ask more questions. Problems become puzzles. Dead ends reveal side doors.

So what does all this have to do with you?

Life brings challenges—often at the most inconvenient times. And while we can’t always control what happens, we do have choices about how we respond to the thoughts and feelings that arise.

The difference between believing there are no choices and discovering new ones is curiosity.

Instead of stopping at “yes” or “no,” curiosity invites “why” and “how.”

Let’s look at a familiar example. These are consistently the top New Year’s resolutions:

• Save more money
• Eat healthier
• Exercise more
• Lose weight
• Spend more time with family

No surprises there. Most people I know have tried some version of these—and most feel like they “failed.” But often, what’s lost isn’t progress; it’s curiosity. We focus solely on performance and miss what we learned about ourselves along the way.

Take saving more money.

A performative resolution might sound like: “I will save $100 from every paycheck.” The math looks great—until life happens. A few unexpected expenses later, the plan feels impossible, and discouragement sets in.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” curiosity asks:
What got in the way? What would make this more workable?

Maybe $50 is more realistic. Maybe cutting back in one area gets you closer to $75. Notice the shift—from success vs. failure to learning and adjustment.

Part of the problem is the word resolution itself. By definition, a resolution is a firm decision to do or not do something. It’s all-or-nothing. Very performative.

(As Yoda famously said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” Great advice for Jedi—less so for humans.)

What if we used a gentler word instead?

Intention.

An intention is simply a plan or direction. No perfection required. It allows room for curiosity, flexibility, and compassion.

And let’s be honest—it’s hard to save every paycheck, track every calorie, or exercise at 5:00 a.m. consistently. Who actually wants that?

Life can be hard enough. Why make it harder?

As you look ahead to the year before committing to any change—no matter who tells you that you should—pause and get curious. Ask yourself:

• Why does this matter to me?
• Why now?
• Will this still matter in a few years?

I’m a therapist, and I don’t often ask “why.” But in this case, it matters. Your why has to be bigger than the obstacles you’ll encounter. It needs to be strong enough to guide you when motivation fades and the path feels foggy.

We really are shaped by the stories we tell ourselves. Your story doesn’t have to be written in performative language. Let it be shaped by curiosity—about who you are and the life you want to live.

I wish you well in the year ahead.

Happy 2026.

Warmly,

Pam

***Those resources for goal setting I mentioned. This is a link to Positive Psychology if you want the traditional way of goal setting.

What is Goal Setting and How to Do it Well